Here are 11 easy steps that you can take to make your own science rap song. Just follow these steps and wait for recording labels to contact you for million-dollar deals. Wow, so simple!
STEP 1: End up with a fantastic amount of free time
A global pandemic is advisable. But if it is too hard to get or the last one didn't exactly leave you wanting for more, then maybe find it some other way. The point is to have so much time that outrageous ideas like writing, recording and making instrumentals to a rap song and then putting it out there online for less than ten to possibly millions of viewers to watch, butcher and hate on should steam slowly from a "Hell NO!" to "no one's gonna watch it probably, so why not try it out?" to "Hell yeah, either this is the origin story of a rapping legend or just another guy who's put a mediocre song online. Just do it, man". The length of time for the idea to steam and boil is crucial. So watch out for the next big chunk of free time.
STEP 2: Realise that, damn, there's a lot of stuff to rap about
Listen to the chart-topper rap songs. Wow, they've mostly limited the whole content of these songs to a few specific niches: how successful they are, the sexual exploits they've made, and how they've shown the world the middle finger. Think how stupid and unoriginal this is. Then look up some brave outliers (or geeks) who have made science raps. See the gulf in views from millions for the unoriginal (your perspective) trending songs and a few thousand for the science rap songs. Hmm... why's that? Maybe you are destined for this noble pursuit of getting science rap songs to the mainstream. Decide to go ahead with the plan.
STEP 3: Realise that there are a million hurdles, break down the mountain of tasks
Sit down to write the rap song. This is the time when you start noticing the gap between an actual finished song and the blank page in front of you.
You'll need amazing lyrics, separated as verses and chorus parts. That involves a lot of writing stuff that's sciency, funny and rhyming a lot. Then you need an original beat to mix the rap with. Oh, that's easy, the iPad/iPhone that you've been hating on for the difficulty to install modded games is finally worth something with the free song-making software, Garageband. Hmm, but sadly you've only used it when you were with your friends, seeing how aimlessly tapping every square inch of the iPad brought a new sound (or the help section). So make a plan to master Garageband in a month. Easy. Oh, and then there's recording the vocals. Oh man, will the cheap microphones on the headphones or the mobile work? Think about buying a mic. Ok, so research is required on getting a good mic, maybe lend it from a friend? Ok, you can manage all that somehow. Then comes mixing and mastering of the vocals and the track, super cool and professional terms to flex with but seemingly super complicated too. Picture the giant consoles in studios with thousands of sliders and switches. Hmm, so this is going to be a big project.
STEP 4: Contemplate hard on how to handle the overnight fame and interview calls.
This is very very important. Spend nights fantasising about finding out that the video has gone viral soon as it is posted and is racking up millions of views. Of course, you learn it from your friends cuz you're too cool to check the views. You're in this for the process, right? The love for the craft. Of course you are, although the hour you spent in the shower responding to the imaginary interviewer in the most witty and exemplary but cheesy and innocent way and how the interview goes viral too all seem a bit narcissistic and obsessive. How do you act when a major label calls you? What if it's Eminem or Kendrick Lamar on the call, telling you to hop on a plane to the US asap? Hmm, not too likely, but again the song is going to be so good it is a possibility isn't it? Think how you'll turn down a contract with Def Jam to complete the master's in physics you're currently doing.
Step 5: Contemplate hard on how to handle the heartbreak of <100 views
Soon after the shower, get hit by a massive dose of pessimism. Of course, only 20-100 people are going to see the video, half of them out of pity and half of them out of friendship. So it gets lost in the sea of content that is increasing every day. Wonder what's the point of the effort if only to let it all fade away so easily. Damn. Wonder if the effort will be worth it at all.
The whole project revolves around a weighing balance with Step 4 and Step 5 on either side, trying to assert dominance over you. Some days you know the song is going to go viral, some days you know you should stop before more people know about this and how much it's going to suck when the song fails miserably. But then there are the balanced states too when the scales are level and you get this Zen state of mind where you think to yourself: Most people go through life not doing anything original. I am taking a bold risk here, whether it sucks or not it will be my brainchild, something that I can proudly point to and say, "I made that! You see that? I fckin made that!". Oh, life would be so much easy if you could maintain this mindset. But these profound moments are few and fleeting. "Oh, I won't point to a video that got 10 views and five dislikes and say I made that! No way!". But you'll get the hang of it. Enjoy the scales dancing around.
Step 6: Start writing and realise it ain't so easy
Now comes the big day. You sit down to write on a blank page. You're so pumped up and fresh ideas are coming at you like bullets. Bang bang, bang! You shoot them onto the pages and realise that this is THE LIFE. This is that proverbial intersection between work and passion, and you realise that at this insane rate that ideas are coming at you, you can write ten songs this month. Soon you take a break. Coming back after an hour, the tables have turned. You see that half the ideas are illogical, possibly offensive and dumb. Trash those. Now you start moulding the first idea into a stanza, ok you have something about Rick and Morty maybe. Now, what next? What rhymes with Morty? What rhymes with Morty? What rhymes with Morty?...
And it can't just be anything, it should be connected to scientists... Give it a minute, an hour, maybe a day or two weeks. Snotty! Nerds are shown in cartoons with snot coming off their noses, you guess so... hopefully, no one asks which cartoon cuz you don't know really. Yay!
Oh, a standard rap song has three sets of verses, with sixteen lines each, adding to a total of forty-eight lines (or bars). And you need a cool hook too. And an intro, and an outro. At the rate you're progressing, it should take... oh god...
Give up on the project.
A week or two later, you are back, probably after listening to some motivational video, like the "IF" video I linked to in this blog post (backlink expert, baby!) or some dope rap song. Write two more lines and lose motivation again.
You'll need to get smart after the third quitting. You should do this instead. Make a checklist of 20+ cool ideas and try to centre the lyrics around them. Tick off the idea soon as you implement it. Make it a routine to get one or two ideas incorporated each day. Action before inspiration. Words to live by when taking on any big project on your own.
Slowly plough forward each day, getting something on the page.
Step 7: Realise that you can make your own music too! Spend hours tapping the drums on Garageband, getting nowhere
Ok, so you don't want anybody else to take credit for your work. All of it from start to finish is YOU and YOU alone. People might call this the consequence of an inflated ego, you call this the warrior spirit. This is MY FIGHT. So start with Garageband, that forgotten app on Apple. Spend time on the drums. Get a rhythm going, and be proud of your creativity in making an original drum loop so fast. Then start on the keyboard, try synths and bass. Get a track going. Accept the fact that it sucks. Watch a lot of tutorial videos on Youtube, and replicate songs people already made on YouTube using Garageband. You'll slowly start getting better at it.
Step 8: Become a follower of the "good-enough principle": Punch your ego and use pre-installed synth and drum loops. Kick your ego and finish polishing the lyrics
So it's been months now, and you've invested so much in it that you don't want to quit this, but you're actually nowhere close to making this an actual song. This is when another truth should ideally dawn on you... The good-enough principle. I thank Struthless for this simple but crucial crucial rule to follow, since I heard it first from him. Make stuff 70% good. Don't stretch for 100%. Perfection is a fantasy. So start using the pre-installed synth loops you found in Garageband and accept the not-as-good lines that you're stuck on in the lyrics.
When you're using public copyright-free music, pray that no one's made a more popular song with that track, which you'll find out only after you release the song. This will happen anyway, and a good friend might point it out to you as one did for me. Same with some piece of music that you made by yourself and added to the track. Both happened to me, I corrected one, and the other will live on to posterity. Start making slow, consistent progress. And one day, it'll be complete, AND complete only as per the good-enough rule; there will be bits you won't be satisfied with. But you need to take a gamble. Address the issues if they're easy to fix or the solution is clear, and don't listen too much to the "Hmm..." perfectionist hum inside your head.
Show it to your friends. Some like it and say it's great, some don't get it at all, and some ask, "You sure?" Again, 70% rule, or whatever cut-off you set. Listen to that friend who says he doesn't get that one stanza-he might have a point. Use your judgement and respect the fact that everything is subjective, especially art. So, now you're ready to GO!!
Step 9: Buy a mic after realising that running the whole project on zero budget ain't easy
All that's left is to record your vocals. Record the rap song, man. Ok, so where are the studios at? But this started off as a low-budget solo project. So record on the iPad or mobile microphone? Listen to your inner voice say, "Don't be so cheap!". Find someone who's got a mic and ask to help him with the recording. After asking him five times to send the recording, accept the fact that no one will be as excited as you are about your project. After getting over the annoyance towards him/her, accept that they got their own shit to deal with, and buy a mic. This is a major step in your career, the jump from cheap dreamer to someone who's actually putting in money and effort into the craft. Congratulations, you are in the big leagues now. It's only Jay-Z and Frank Ocean above you now.
You talk to others about home recording. They suggest using the seminar halls at college, soundproofing the room with egg containers or paper. You listen to all that, visualise your hostel room walls plastered with egg containers. That would be so cool. Next day start recording the song in your hostel room with no thoughts of soundproofing even remotely crossing your mind, only hoping that no idiot's going to come knocking on the door when you're halfway through a verse. Hope that the noise reduction feature takes away all the birds chirping outside, the desks and beds sliding on the floor in other rooms. Get five recordings of the first verse, realise that picking out the best is annoying especially when it is three in the evening and you can't turn on the fan when you're recording and you're covered in sweat. The second verse gets two takes, the last one, one. Ahh... great. Job done.
Step 10: Make a lyric video on YT cuz you're too cheap to spend money getting it on Spotify
About this time you should start wondering how you can put it online in a way that is actually engaging. Spotify of course. Read about how a distributor should submit the song or some bullshit- which equates to spending money- no way! Minimum budget project, yo. YouTube should seem like a good option, only you need some interesting video to layer the track with. So start making a lyric video. Get free software that runs on your crappy computer and get a rough recording of the song with the instrumental and vocals mixed. Now for the slow grind of writing lyrics on the screen to the stuff you say in the song. Should've said fewer words on the song, dammit.
Step 11: Get friends to help and realise that this is way better than the ego fantasy of "I'll do it all! It's my project!!"
It's all credit to you for doing all of this on your own to some extent. This gives your ego a kick of accomplishment but then there's some more stuff to do. Slowly accept that you can ask for help and it doesn't make you uncool. Get help from your cousin for a logo for your online media profiles, advice from friends on the lyrics, a friend to do the cool and mysterious art of mixing and mastering, another one for designing a poster cover for Instagram, and finally approach the least sceptic folks and hear them say it is great, and believe this without wondering if they mean it or not. And finally, set a release date and go release that song.
Step 12 (Bonus, inevitable step): Be okay that the song ain't on Billboard Top 100, and happy cuz it got way more than the <100 views threat
Watch your feelings change from despair and dreading ten views, to people actually watching it and the views shooting up by the hundreds. Then watch the views count slow down as soon as you start believing it will keep going till a million views. So it gets a few thousand views. Again the balancing act starts. Some days you're thinking WOW! I have a song that two thousand people watched! On other days it is, Two thousand! Look at that local rapper. He's had 20K views up to now. You're shit. Don't do this again.
But hold on, there'll come those fleeting moments again, when you know you did a good job, you couldn't have done it without your family and friends, and it was fun. These moments are worth the effort. So keep doing original, crazy things. Don't have to be science raps. Whatever you feel like doing. It'll be both pathetic and fantastic, and also meaningful and fun.
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